Adios 2009!

In less than an hour, the curtains will be drawn close for the year 2009. Outside, the revelry has begun — firecrackers, fireworks and all manner of noisemakers — are popping, exploding, cracking.

Given the calamities and tragedies experienced this year, it’s been pretty laid back. Oh there have been pockets of explosions since Christmas day, but tonight, they only actually began a little over an hour ago unlike years past when early in the evening we’re already going deaf and inhaling all the smoke.

It’s pretty quiet here at home, too. We’re ready for the traditional media noche to welcome the New Year, but rest, even amid the din, is so welcome after all the endless happenings since the start of the month.

Resolutions? I’ve never been in the habit of making them. I simply DO it. If I was good the year before, then I strive to be better. If I was miserable, then it simply means I need to get my act together.

It’s more important that I gained experience and learned my lessons well in the past year, whatever the challenges that came my way. And even more important is that I am grateful to be celebrating another year… however things turned out before.

Before all the noise set in, I managed some quiet, alone time to give thanks. For all that I am, all that I have, and all that I’ve been through. After all, it truly is a blessing to simply be alive…

I only hope and pray that I have been able to honor and praise God with all my thoughts, deeds and words.

Wow! And I thought my ears popped off with the firecrackers that exploded right outside the window! Time to sign off, for now…

A blessed New year everyone! And thank you for keeping me company in 2009.

 

Blue Moon and me

In the past weeks, I would be dozing off around 10 p.m. Sometimes, I would be upright, but my mind has wandered off to La-La Land, my eyes sooo heavy, I feel I have to prop them up with toothpicks.

As 2009 comes to a close, it is past 1 a.m. of New Year’s Eve yet I am wide-eyed and alert. Anticipating the changing of the year, perhaps?

What really has me all cheery is the sight of a radiant — almost blinding — celestial being that is Luna. We’re expecting a “blue moon” on New Year’s Eve, right? But I couldn’t wait and it was out there, beckoning to me tonight.

Around me was the stillness of the night, the heavens pitch black with stars jostling for attention. But not one of them could outshine the moon.  She drew me to her, and held me spellbound. A perfect orb. Dazzling white. A quiet presence.

Two full moons in a month, and on New Year’s Eve at that! How blessed we are…

Many times, I was witness to Luna’s sheer brilliance when it was her time to shine. Yet the experience still holds me in awe each and every time I see her. And during my darkest hours, she was there faithful, so full of hope.

Luna may be a million miles away, but when I stand beneath her glow it is a feeling of being wrapped in warmth and love. Thank you, Lord!

In those moments when my path was blurry, and my heart heavy, you were my light, my hope.  And I know that with you there, darkness will fade to be enveloped by your radiant glory.

 

Old and new

2010 will be kicking in pretty soon. It’s been relatively peaceful and I so, so appreciate such blessing. Nothing to set me right better than being among people who matter most to me… even those far away.

The kids are bike-crazy, especially the little one. And she absolutely got the hang of it pretty quick, so much so that she rides it “very fast” now. It’s tough work to be rah-rah girl, but it always makes my heart swell when I see her beam a megawatt smile for her small triumphs.

Big brother is grinning ear-to-ear, too, because he got one of his own and is making great progress. Poor me… I have to run behind him for now! har! har! I actually couldn’t resist the call of the bike and got myself on board for a quick spin. Whew! I missed the wind whipping at my face.

Pretty soon I know the walks around the subdivision will be runs for me as I try keeping up with the kids. But it is a marvelous time, I am certain.  But for now, I will simply enjoy the time together, whether it is walking around or keeping up with my bikers.

Old stuff, I know. But it sure settles my heart and mind big time. It gave me the balance I so needed after a very difficult time. I know this is merely a respite and that after the New Year rolls in, it will be another crazy merry-go-round for me.

I so thank God for blessing me with the peace and quiet I so needed and wanted. It’s been a very eventful 2009… I learned a lot. It was full of peaks and valleys, and only with a grateful heart could I have survived. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to have wonderful relationships — with You, my loved ones and everyone else who touched my life one way or another.

I’d like to think I got a new bike for Christmas, too.  And when I’m on it, I can leave the old behind and look forward to the new…

It’s been a good year, Lord…

 

Christmas musing

It is 12 noon of December 22. The sky is overcast and in fact, I can hear raindrops overhead and feel a cool breeze.  That’s comforting, but I cannot recall a rainy Christmas. Oh well, this is one Yuletide season where I totally feel out of sorts.

There is no urge to really shop. I’ve been content coming across some tiangge (flea market or bazaar) or store wherever I may be and if I see anything that catches my fancy for someone else, then I get it. Otherwise, there is absolutely no plan in my head what I’m supposed to get as gifts for people. And the really weird thing is I am not panicking or frantic.

If there is anything I truly want for Christmas it is PEACE and QUIET. Since the middle of November my world has been turned upside down, inside out and even as I try to snap out of it, there are too many reminders of what I went through that has seemingly drained me of the Christmas spirit.

I pretty much came to a lot of realizations in the last several weeks, the most important being: money may be the means to an end, but its possession can never truly make you happy.

I’ve been a witness to so many changes around me and what I saw either disappointed, frustrated or appalled me. Not a good feeling with Christmas just around the corner.

Yet at the same time, my experiences in the last several weeks also made me realize that for as long as I am able, and when I know it will make a difference in another person’s life, I can give and give until it hurts. And at the end of it all, I will feel a fullness of heart even when it came as a test of my spirit.

And the tests have been many. But for as long as I surrender it all to the Lord, then I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. There may have been instances when I was impatient — largely because the emotional and mental burdens were taking its toll on me — but I simply had to turn to Him and affirm that my trust was in HIM.

Sometimes, I still get the feeling that everyone wants a piece of me. I’ve been running a thousand and one errands for other people, and I felt I was losing myself in the process. So last Saturday, I made it a point to go out (my decision) and do whatever it is I wanted, and just be ALONE. I relished eating by myself and not having to watch the time because I was expected to do something or be somewhere else. I wish I could sleep the day away but even when I want to do just that, there are too many things happening that make it impossible.

Still, I am grateful. I cannot NOT be. Because I wake each morning, and am able to face the challenges of a new day. I have people who matter to me and my needs are provided for.

I am trying to learn the art of tuning out things in a big way. To just think of happy thoughts, of thoughts that will keep me calm. It is a difficult exercise but I do give myself a pat in the back each time I am successful.

God is with me. That much I know, so all will be right. I simply have to kick myself often to remind myself that.

 

Scrooge?

I should be writing happy thoughts because it’s Christmas in a few days time. Instead, I’ve just been outside of the house, chasing some children away…

They carolled (very badly, according to 4-year-old niece) the first time. And they have been returning every day since pounding on the gate for Christmas favors. Is this a business now? What I so despise is that they will loiter in the driveway and when guests or customers drop by the house will descend upon them asking for gifts!

Even when I hardly feel the Christmas spirit, with the Day just around the corner, I am hardly a Scrooge. And I’d like to think I’ve done my share of giving weeks ago and it has yet to actually end, though I really don’t have to.

But I hate the thought that uncouth children (pardon the term but that’s what they’ve demonstrated) will come knocking on doors, mouthing expletives when they don’t get what they want, and hanging outside your property like they have every right to because it is Christmas.

Christmas does not give you the license to pester other people for gifts. You ask humbly, and be grateful for whatever is given to you. Sadly, many children are apparently ignorant of this. They pounce on you like bees, claw at each other when not everyone is given, then scream foul words at the giver.

I am horrified watching children, whose ages range from 4 to 10, gathered at bus stops, ready to jump in or badger passengers and conductors asking for money! They run toward the buses before they halt, then kick or pound on them when they are not allowed to get on, and even have the gall to chase them away.

Then I think to myself, are they doing this because they want a little something for Christmas, or are they part of a syndicate operating in the metropolis who send these kids off to “collect” gifts which they have to turn over at the end of the day?

So how should you handle children engaged in this? I’ve always preferred giving food stuff to less fortunate kids, but I really steer clear of those who look like they just want to put one over you. And I so, so feel bad having to be mad about children who are making it a Christmas business to beg or “carol”.

I need something to make me feel better today… maybe some genuine Christmas spirit will come my way!