Farewell to the old… Bring in the new

I would be remiss without a post to close 2011. What a turbulent year it was. Globally, locally and maybe even personally. I guess life is just running true to form: the only thing constant is CHANGE. The way these may have happened may have been chaotic or silent, but Someone Up There had everything planned.

Yes, too much celebration and gift giving can strike a guilty chord or two considering thousands of lives were lost because of typhoon Sendong. We really have to strop ignoring warning signs where Mother Nature is concerned. Could such tragedy have been avoided if people heeded calls to evacuate? Perhaps, perhaps not. God just has a way of making a point even if we ignore them initially.

It’s relatively quiet in the neighborhood. In the years past, our next-door neighbor would be blasting away all manner of firecrackers, enough to bust my eardrums. But any booming sounds now are distant sounding. That’s a comfort. Eldest nephew asked his mother why we have no fireworks this year. We can celebrate in peace, his mom replied. Better to bet on the lottery than to waste money on firecrackers. At least if you don’t win in the lotto, your money would have gone to charity. With firecrackers, you run the risk of losing your fingers.

Everyone is actually tired and we might hit the sack and wake up near midnight to welcome 2012. Wow, how the years fly. And so many changes in our lives… people coming and going. New experiences. A different level of heartache and pain. Disappointments. But a lot of bright things to look forward to as well.

We look back to learn from our mistakes and victories. It’s necessary to become a better person. To become stronger and ready to meet new challenges.

More than anything, I am grateful for good health and the miracle that is life. There are so many thoughts running around my head. So many things waiting in the new year. Will I be ready for them? Am a stronger, whole, and anticipating what is yet to come?

Through everything that has happened in my life this last year, it is a great comfort to know I am loved. That God has been so generous with his wide open arms so I can burrow in them in laughter and in tears. Every triumph, no matter how small, I know is His doing. And even when so many questions are still begging for answers, I know there is a season for everything.

To all the people who have touched my life, I pray you will be blessed a thousandfold and whatever your dreams,   you will achieve them. Thank you for the inspiration because you have all taught me I have so much to be grateful for…

 

Fishball Sunday

BURP! And double burp! That was a most satisfying dinner to cap my Sunday. Nope… no gourmet feast for me. Just one-and-a-half servings of fishball more than gave me my fill for the evening.

Mass followed by a simple food trip are simple joys but very meaningful ones. It’s not the same when you just buy fishballs to go… although there are many who do that. But to enhance the experience, try savoring it while standing in front of the food cart, elbow-to-elbow with other customers. In your line of sight is the hard-working vendor working the wok with fishballs, squid balls, kwek-kwek (quail eggs coated in batter), kikiam and hotdog.

Mingling with people from all walks of life, young and old alike, while enjoying a small paper plate with a mound of fishballs (it’s no longer on a stick) gives you a strong sense of affinity… almost like a fraternity.

With fishballs, everyone is equal. It doesn’t matter if you only have 20 pesos in your pocket or 5,000 smackeroos. All you need is 10 pesos to get 15 pieces of those balls, that end up flattened once cool. Sweet, spicy or sweet and spicy sauce? It is a very pedestrian experience that makes you feel good after because you were one with  everybody… most of whom you don’t know or will likely never encounter again.

And Mr. Vendor? He breathes this business that has given him the dignity that many only aspire for. The cart is up and running at 8 am and closes up at 10 pm. Breakfast is at the market to get his supply for the day. Lunch and dinner are most probably on his feet, during lulls when customers come in trickles.

He sneaked in a cup of noodles while we were there. The 6 pm mass would be ending shortly and another horde of fishball lovers would be trooping to his pwesto to get their fill. There’s still the masses at 7 and 8 pm. A very long day but it is worth the sweat, the heat and tired legs.

He can no longer keep track of his daily sales because a lot of the time, he has to augment his supply towards late afternoon. But definitely, even when the economy is down, he will be doing very brisk business. I figure you just have to get a cup of rice to go with your 15 pieces of fishball and you’re good to go. We kept track of customers in a span of 15-20 minutes and minimum sale per person is 20 pesos, although it usually goes up to 50 bucks. That’s 2 orders of fishball, one order of kwek-kwek and a bottled drink.

And the lesson this fishball experience taught me? If you really put your heart into what you’re doing, no matter how challenging it can be, there’s no way you cannot succeed. Not just in business… but in life.

I’m still burping off my fishball dinner… Yum! Yum!

 

Ice candy memories

Along the way to an errand, the jeepney stopped in front of a school as children were coming out from class. Blame it on the heat and initially, the sight of two small kids licking some brown sticky treat on a popsicle stick. A smile tugged at my lips as I recalled my school days…

I finally found my stride in the fourth grade when I was transplanted in the middle of the schoolyear after a few years of moving about. There is nothing like the sound of the dismissal bell to have kids shouting in joy. In those days, it was okay to hang around the school. We did… to do homework, clean up the room, play and buy our favorite treats.

Treats consisted of ice cream, cotton candy, fishballs, ice scramble and whatever other stuff that vendors sold outside the school gate. Those men and women knew the routine and competed for customers on school days.

Anyone want to cool down?

It was a common sight for children to be scrambling inside school buses or their rides, mouth and fingers sticky, chocolate or candy smeared on their faces. As kids, you try them all as far as your allowance will get you.

These were the thoughts that came to mind as two boys boarded my ride slurping on yellow-colored ice candy. For the uninitiated, ice candy is either juice, or some fruit blend frozen in plastic about an inch wide and 7 or 8 inches long. It is a most refreshing treat on a hot day like it was this morning.

You bite off a small corner and begin to suck at the frozen juice. The yellow ice candy was probably mango flavored. But it could’ve been just colored water with some milk and sugar. Whatever it was, the two boys enjoyed it tremendously.

As the jeepney rolled along, I saw the regular “dirty” ice cream cart, the ice scramble man and a few more lined up along the waiting shed. Business was brisk. And for five or 10 pesos, children big and small would have had their fill for the day.

Simple joys really. I love ice candy. And we do occasionally make them at home. Avocado is my absolute favorite. Still, buying them from a street vendor adds to the thrill of eating them. It is so far removed from the sophisticated treats in malls and high end theme parks.

I can actually sit back, put my feet up and cool down with an ice candy, thinking of other after school memories. Priceless!

Photo courtesy of: ILEAN (Great site, by the way! 🙂 )

 

Taking away hope

Do we, as humans, have the right to take away hope from another? In my heart I know whatever happens to each one of us is God’s will. He has everything planned out for his creations. And while we may not understand His ways, in the end something good will always come out of it.

When a person has been struggling for years, in despair, and falling into a dark pit, must we push them farther away or do everything possible to draw them into light?

What if by some miracle, even a momentary one, the person begins to see hope and clings to it, does anyone have the right to dash that hope away saying it is too late and for naught?

There is no individual who is perfect in this world, even while God created us in His image, which is perfection. But He affords us every opportunity and provides us with the talent, resources, intelligence to work towards becoming like Him. And that is the journey that we call life.

Humans, as imperfect as they are, may lose their way. But that is not to say they can never find their way back, especially when guided by another. And that perhaps is the challenge to every person — let it be the good deed we perform every day. Bring hope to someone who believes there is none.

It is so much easier to wallow in the negative… to think certain things are impossible to achieve… to believe we are useless and can never amount to anything more.

Even during the most trying times, if we can rise above that belief, then God will surely make things POSSIBLE.

To kill hope inside one’s heart is the most cruel thing, even if it is just a flicker. Because even the smallest flame can be stoked, with love and patience.

It is easier to pound heaven’s doors asking to take away our burdens, than praying for strength to be able to carry a seemingly endless load until it brings us where we have become better individuals.

I cannot imagine snatching hope, however small, from someone who is just beginning to see it again. And it breaks my heart to know there are people who can.

 

Fading away

Nothing is more painful than watching someone dear to you fade away. The mind holds secrets that even the most brilliant have yet to discover. People use just a fraction of their brain in the course of their lifetime. Yet we cannot fathom that fact because we burden ourselves with more thoughts that do little to reinforce positive energies and feel like our head will explode.

My eldest cousin has been suffering from diabetes for more than a decade. While the disease is manageable, this depends on the effort and commitment of the person diagnosed with it. Unfortunately, she shunned a lot of advice about how to deal with her illness early on.

As a result, her condition eventually worsened. Four years ago, her kidneys gave up on her and she has had to undergo dialysis regularly. It is a costly treatment for someone with little means and who has to rely on others for assistance.

Separation from her husband further compounded her condition. And taking care of a daughter, now 13 years old, can take a toll even on people with no health problems.

This is what has been weighing her down for the past several years. It has become more burdensome when my cousin’s eyesight was affected and she is no longer able to work.

For someone as brilliant as she is (she is a chemical engineer by profession), who has enjoyed teaching, it was a big blow to find herself unable to be productive because of her constantly debilitating condition.

It is one thing to feel her pain and empathize with her situation, and another to say I truly understand how she is feeling and what is going on in her mind.

I believe it is this sense of isolation, the thought that she has become useless, and the inability to control her situation, that led to the worsening of her condition.

She would often be irritated, when in fact it was merely expressing her frustration. It was difficult to enjoy the company of other people because of the belief she can no longer contribute anything positive.

And most of all, it was a fear that her daughter will not be cared for in the way she would have wanted that drove her to despair.

Lately, she would miss her medications insisting she had already taken them when in fact, she had not. In the last 10 months, her blood sugar levels would drop to alarming levels, leaving her comatose. She has been in and out of the hospital, even when she insists on not being confined because of the expense it entails.

Yet, God has been kind because He has seen to it there will be means for her medical needs. But it is no longer her body that is giving up on her. It seems to me that it has almost become impossible for my cousin to rise above her situation and see the light, or fight to survive.

It is a complicated life she has had to deal with. Being very headstrong has only made matters worse. When there was the opportunity to set things right, she steadfastly refused. Now, the lucid moments are few and far between.

This last confinement has by far been the worst. Her attending nephrologist says the problem is no longer physiological. She is slowly drifting to a world of her own creation. Perhaps, one which is her idea of perfection.

Her days of depression and dark thoughts are slowly claiming her. And it crushes our hearts to see her this way.

We can only pray that her burdens will be lifted and her heart can find peace. That, I know, is what is holding her back. I know she is tired. But it is great love that she clings to. And until she is assured that her concerns are understood and addressed to her satisfaction, she will not let go.

Is it less painful to have a loved one taken away abruptly or to stand and watch them fade away?

Lord, grant us all the strength to accept your will… and to rely on your love, and ours, to give one another strength during this very trying time.